I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
