im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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