So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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