I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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