we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
