Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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