she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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