You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
