All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
