my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
it's great music for shaving your balls
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
