what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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