I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
