I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
