Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
