At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have already put on my inside pants.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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