yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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