i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
