Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's rum buckets o'clock
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
