I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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