I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
