its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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