Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
