I seem to have left my pride at pride
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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