what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
