My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
