Kareoke will never be a sober sport
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
