She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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