saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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