So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This toilet bowl is my home.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
