if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Every concussion has its silver lining
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
