The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
