i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
