How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Randomize
