I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
