can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
