We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
