you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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