3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
