Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
