no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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