she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
