is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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