I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
