can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
