So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
