I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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