Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
