Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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