This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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