I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
