I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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