its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
