She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
