Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
